“Are we really drinking this?”
“Of course, did you think we were just going to pretend to drink?”
While the other members were busy preparing the food and setting up the table, Jeong Dajun hesitated as he stared at the endless rows of alcohol bottles.
He seemed worried since I had been giving off a cold vibe lately.
“What do you want to drink? I just bought whatever was available.”
“Wow, there’s really a lot?”
“Let’s drink like there’s no tomorrow.”
When I thought about it, this was the longest break we’d had since coming here.
It wasn’t intentional, but if we continued like this, it was clear we wouldn’t be able to properly prepare for our next activities
We needed this time to relieve our fatigue and open up to each other.
“I’ll just drink a little.”
“Oh? Really?”
Right after becoming an adult, he had proudly flaunted his ID and bought a can of beer to drink by himself.
Of course, he made a face and threw it away when he realized how bad it tasted.
When Seong Jiwon asked again, the maknae just nodded silently, his lips tightly sealed.
He still seemed curious, judging by the way his eyes darted around.
Do I have to do this even at the dorm…?
However, seeing Jeong Dajun’s face made the decision easy.
I lightly kicked Jeong Dajun’s leg and whispered to him.
“Hey.”
“W-What?”
Jeong Dajun, sensing something suspicious, flinched and stepped back slightly.
I smirked wickedly.
“Wanna see something fun?”
Hyung will liven up the mood.
.
.
.
Swoosh!!
“Wow!! Woah!!”
After shaking the beer bottle and pouring it into the glass, the soju glass plopped right into the beer glass.
I shook the water off my hands and grinned.
“Not loud enough.”
“Hyung! You’re so freakin’ awesome!!”
“What? I can’t hear you.”
“Wow~!! Hoyun is the best!!”
Jeong Dajun, eyes sparkling, was so absorbed in watching me that he was jumping up and down with his hands covering his mouth.
His cheeks were bright red, and his speech was slurred, indicating he was completely drunk.
I pushed the whining maknae, who clung to me asking to see it again, toward Kim Seonghyeon, but the leader was already too far gone.
“Hyung! Teach me!!”
“Huh? I’m not Seo Hoyun?”
“Oh, right!? Isn’t this the Shining Seonghyeon?”
“I-I’m shining?”
I left them laughing hysterically at each other.
Jeong Dajun picked up a half-eaten, cold hot bar with both hands and mimicked Kim Seonghyeon’s final words.
“The five of us will always be together.”
“…??”
“Because five minus one is… zero…”
“…Jeong Dajun…!!”
Even drunk, he still seemed embarrassed to be teased.
Kim Seonghyeon’s ears turned beet red as he gritted his teeth.
Anyway, things were lively, more like the usual The Dawn.
“Those two are really glued together….”
Jeong Dajun was sent off, Kim Seonghyeon was out, and now there were two left.
Seeing Seong Jiwon smiling brightly with a clear face while mixing Kaoliang wine and soju, I decided to avoid him for now.
I set my sights on Kang Ichae, who was laughing at Jeong Dajun and Kim Seonghyeon.
“Raise your glass. I’ll fill it up.”
“Huh~? No, I’m fine.”
“You don’t get chances like this often.”
I was shaking the soju bottle back and forth, but Kang Ichae was somehow evasive.
What’s this?
During the Shining Star Season 1 after-party, he stuck close to me just fine.
As I rummaged through my memories, I suddenly realized.
“…Oh.”
Back then, he didn’t touch alcohol at all.
I didn’t realize because he acted like he was drunk without drinking.
“Hyungs can drink. I’ll just enjoy watching from the side.”
The moment I realized that, my eyes gleamed.
This is an opportunity.
I usually didn’t force people who didn’t like drinking, but with Kang Ichae, I wanted to get back at him for all the trouble he caused me.
Seong Jiwon.
= Let’s get him.
Seong Jiwon, who had some issues with Kang Ichae recently, gave me a mischievous look in response to my signal.
Okay!
= Okay!
He tapped Kang Ichae’s arm.
“Haha, Ichae, have a drink with hyung just once.”
“…What?”
The support was in.
Taking advantage of Kang Ichae’s brief confusion at Seong Jiwon’s unusual behavior, I quickly filled a glass.
Even though Seong Jiwon could see everything from his angle, he just kept smiling gently.
“The alcohol content isn’t that high. I also want to toast with Ichae.”
“Hey, Kang Ichae. Seong Jiwon is asking you to drink, so just do it.”
“…”
At that moment, we were two cunning snakes.
Kang Ichae, the rapper of our group, noticed something was off from our grinning faces and furrowed his eyebrows.
“No.”
“If Ichae doesn’t want to, we can’t force him…”
“…”
“Are you still mad at me?”
When Seong Jiwon’s eyes turned sorrowful, Kang Ichae gritted his teeth.
“Ugh, I hate this combo.”
“Why?”
“…You won’t bother me if I drink, right?”
Eventually, he sighed deeply as if he was giving in and downed the glass in front of him in one go.
“Our Ichae drinks so well.”
“Why is soju so bitter?”
“Isn’t it because you haven’t had it in a while? Do you want some water?”
“Really?”
Just kidding.
That was Chinese liquor from Y brand.
Its alcohol content was 38%.
And five minutes later.
“Ah…”
Kang Ichae, his face flushed and expression blank, rubbed his forehead.
He looked exactly like a delinquent.
“You bastards… This is 38% alcohol!!”
“Pfft. Are you sure you’re not misreading it because you’re drunk?”
“Seo Hoyun…”
An enraged Kang Ichae spat out informal speech, but I coolly ignored it.
When he tried to get up to go to our room and stumbled, I even helped him up.
Of course, I was laughing the whole time.
“Are you happy? Happy? I told you I’m weak with alcohol.”
“Okay, okay, hyung made a mistake.”
“Seo, you’re annoying…”
I tossed the half-asleep, mumbling Kang Ichae into the pile with Kim Seonghyeon and Jeong Dajun.
“Ugh!! He’s heavy!”
At first, they grumbled, but soon they were making a racket.
“Hyung, hyung! Do you want to play Halli Galli?”
“Halli Galli… where are you going?”
“Huh, you don’t know? Haven’t you played with your friends before?”
“I don’t have friends, so I don’t know games like this…”
Looking a bit sleepy from the alcohol, Kang Ichae mumbled and rubbed his eyes.
As people say, alcohol brings out the truth.
He was spilling his real feelings.
Hearing that, Jeong Dajun clenched his fist.
“Ichae-hyung, I’ll be your friend! Seonghyeon-hyung, quickly become friends with our delinquent friend.”
“Of course! Kang Ichae and I are friends!”
“Ugh…”
“No, no, you don’t need friends to play this. I’ll teach you! When five fruits come out, you just have to hit the bell really fast! You can do it without friends!”
“Really?”
Somewhat intrigued, Kang Ichae stood up immediately.
“Really, you can do it without friends?”
“Kang Ichae, I’ll show you.”
Kim Seonghyeon grabbed Kang Ichae’s arm and headed to the kitchen.
They sat facing each other at the dining table.
Jeong Dajun followed and quickly dealt the cards.
Soon, the sound of giggling and laughter could be heard.
Seong Jiwon, who had watched the whole process, burst into laughter.
“Isn’t it still a game that needs friends?”
“That’s what I’m saying.”
Could there be a more wholesome drinking party in the world?
Watching them play like children, it was amusing and somehow comforting.
As I rested my chin on my hand and dazed out, Seong Jiwon poured some alcohol into my empty glass.
Splosh.
“You did well, Hoyun.”
“…”
“You must have had a tough time.”
Instead of answering, I looked over Seong Jiwon’s face and asked.
“I heard you fought with Kang Ichae?”
“It’s just a difference of opinion, that’s all.”
Others didn’t seem to think that way though…
Seong Jiwon brushed back a few strands of hair that had fallen over his forehead and smiled softly.
He always seemed to exude a gentle aura, but now he looked even more at peace.
“Still, they’re all really good people. We can respect each other no matter what we do.”
“…Right.”
“I’m happy to be a member of The Dawn with you all.”
Seong Jiwon filled his glass with vodka and downed it in one go.
“I hope you feel the same way.”
His eyes creased into a smile.
He never once brought up my family issues.
During the award speech, he hugged me and cried like it was his own problem, yet he chose to stay by my side until I got better without saying a word.
“Let’s take it slow.”
See, he was doing it again.
I barely managed to lift the corners of my mouth.
“I need to sort some things out. You’re done drinking, right?”
“Yeah. Leave me be. We can do it together later.”
I left Seong Jiwon, who was chuckling at my appearance, and got up from my seat.
Screech.
I slightly pulled the curtain aside and stepped out onto the balcony, sitting down on the chair that Jeong Dajun had brought during his interior decorating phase when we got our dorm.
I opened my front pocket and took out the pack of cigarettes and lighter that Lim Hyeonsu had given me at a drinking party.
Thin menthols.
It felt like she was rooting for me to fail at my goal to quit smoking.
I took one out and bit it between my lips.
But instead of lighting it, I just flicked the lighter, making sparks.
“Sigh…”
I had been doing so well.
Feeling a bit weary, I was tempted to smoke just one.
Just light it up and take a drag on the filter.
Screech.
“Holy crap! Hyung!”
But that thought didn’t last long.
Jeong Dajun burst through the balcony door, eyes wide, pointing at me.
“Oh my gosh!! Over the top!!”
“Hey, hey. Keep it down.”
“Why are you doing this when you’ve been holding out so well?!”
The heavily drunk maknae couldn’t even stand straight, swaying as he tried to close the balcony door.
The moment his gaze shifted, I quickly tossed the cigarette behind me and pulled out a lollipop from my pocket.
“Jeong Dajun, look. It’s a lollipop stick.”
“Huh… Oh? Really?”
What did you mean by “really”?
Tilting his head a few times, Dajun slowly approached me.
“Are you okay, hyung? Honestly, I can’t tell if you’re Seo Hoyun, Jiwon-hyung, Seonghyeon-hyung, or Ichae-hyung right now.”
“Really? You’re that confused.”
“Yeah, isn’t it kind of weird?? And Ichae-hyung is super drunk right now!”
You’re drunk too, you fool.
Grumbling, Jeong Dajun stomped his feet.
Then he leaned against the wall, slid down, and buried his head in his knees, nodding off.
“Hey, go to sleep.”
“…I’m not sleepy.”
Just like a dad pretending not to sleep when you try to turn off the TV, he stubbornly refused to move even when I nudged him with my foot.
As I pondered how to drag this kid to bed, Jeong Dajun suddenly lifted his face and rubbed his eyes.
“…Hyung, I didn’t say anything because I was afraid of getting scolded, but I called Hojin-hyung before.”
“…”
“I was worried something serious might happen.”
Despite my stern gaze, Jeong Dajun yawned nonchalantly.
“Yawn, I know you’re someone who isn’t afraid of anything in this world… But seeing you like that scares me.”
I understood what he was trying to say, though his sentences were disjointed and out of context.
“And… yeah.”
I doubted he’d remember what he said once he sobered up, but Jeong Dajun continued speaking.
“You don’t have to take me on the roller coaster ride….”
I fiddled with the lighter in my hand.
“Jeong Dajun.”
No response.
He had fallen asleep.
“Jeong Dajun, are you asleep?”
I called a few more times but got the same result.
“…You fall asleep so quickly.”
Seriously, has this kid changed at all in the past year?
Thinking so, I recalled the unit competition and retracted my thought.
Jeong Dajun had changed.
Just like everyone else.
“What a big deal…”
Click.
Click.
The flame flared up and died out repeatedly in the dark.
“…Dajun.”
Mumbling like an idiot, I repeated my actions.
“I’m afraid of something too.”
The possibility that scared me more than anything else.
My biggest fear, my biggest secret.
Maybe even scarier than my parents’ accident, my recurring nightmares, or even Seo Hojin’s anger.
The one thing I could never tell anyone.
How could I reveal to anyone that I was terrified of the possibility that my dongsaeng might still be left in the world I left behind?
There was definitely a Seo Hojin here who remembers me.
But what if that was not all?
What if Hojin was left alone there, searching for me, and my absence hurts him?
Every time I thought about living well here alone, leaving that kid behind so irresponsibly, I was terrified.
I wanted to go back.
“…”
And I needed confirmation.
That my worries were unfounded.
“Sigh…”
I wiped my face.
Maybe I did drink too much today.
So pathetic…
I sighed, putting the lighter down and crushing the cigarette pack in my hand.
The impulse to smoke vanished as quickly as it had come.
After hesitating for a moment, I pulled out my phone and sent a text to Seo Hojin.
– Me: Did you eat?
Despite the late hour, a reply came quickly.
– Dongsaeng: ㅇ
Why did you tell me to contact you if you’re going to reply like this?
I was about to turn off my phone when another message from Seo Hojin arrived.
– Dongsaeng: I miss you
I paused.
He had never said anything like this before.
– Dongsaeng: But I’m so annoyed I don’t want to see you
“Pfft.”
I rubbed my forehead and chuckled, then replied.
– Me: Make up your mind, you brat
– Me: Besides, my face is very expensive
I read the simple messages a few more times, smacking my lips, and tapped Dajun’s shoulder who was dozing off.
He still didn’t show any signs of waking up, so I pinched his cheeks.
“Jeong Dajun, go to bed.”
“Ugh…”
“Quickly.”
Dajun, seemingly in pain, rubbed his cheeks with his hands and staggered inside without even opening his eyes.
After kicking out the unwelcome guest, I opened the balcony window alone.
Even though it was early morning, the damp and heavy air of the abruptly approaching summer clung to my arms.
“It’s hot.”
The sky in the distance was starting to turn red.
It was too vivid to dismiss everything as just a game or to think that completing the scenario would be the end.
I need to go back.
Though my arm occasionally felt numb, my breath sometimes short, and my runaway conscience sometimes returned.
Even so, living recklessly as a piece of trash wouldn’t change.
I did miss the photos of my family that had disappeared from my phone.
“Brat.”
It didn’t matter.
“Hyung misses you too.”
I planned to see it through to the end, no matter what.
